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Day 1 #DailyWritingChallenge

By the time it was 7.30am today, I was ready to burst into tears.

I work part time in my school and today was meant to have been one of the days that I am in.

In response to my Head Teacher’s request to be kept updated if any staff member experienced *any* symptoms, I casually shared that I was experiencing, what felt like a mild sore throat. And I almost didn’t even share this because mentally, I was thinking of all the things I had to get in place for my students, in the event of school closure. I was even up 2am this morning, thinking about what had to be done and how my students would be if we closed…

If it was down to me, I would have made my way into school since, as Natalie Scott said in the blog she shared this morning (click here to read it), it was ‘only a dry cough’, maybe ‘an allergic reaction’. As someone prone to getting colds, allergic reaction coughs etc, my personal mantra is to keep going. 

My Head Teacher stating that I really should stay at home pulled me up. They were completely right.

But it did not stop the guilt kicking in. What about my students? What are their learning resources? How can I be off at a time like this?

I then started to berate myself for actually thinking that I could have travelled in. How irresponsible was I being? Why didn’t I think about other people that may have become ill if I actually had COVID-19 (God forbid!).

Furthermore, I started to berate myself for not actually wearing the surgical masks I bought to use on public transport. I just could not bring myself to wear this ridiculous thing in public! However, I may have made myself ill as a result… 

Yesterday, as I made my way into school via public transport, I had never seen it so quiet. It was extremely easy to ensure that fellow commuters were at least two metres away… I was exhausted when I made my return journey home and distracted with the download on my mobile of Frozen 2… 

I started telling myself that I should have waited until the tube was less packed before making my home… 

The internal criticisms, the guilt, my sore throat and lack of sleep were what contributed towards me wanting to weep.

What helped to pull me back was serendipity in the form of this tweet that I saw by chance when I was wide awake at 2am… 

As I am so far behind on two writing projects with looming deadlines, I decided to join in when my school closes. How was I to know that my daily writing challenge would start today…?

Today’s theme of kindness could not have been more apt nor timely. My emotional state simply reflected that I was not being kind to myself. Once I recognised this, I was able to go easy on myself, accept how things had turned out today and take care of myself. 

What also buoyed me today was the kindness from my #Twitter family.

Thank you all. 

You know who you are x